I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
