turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
