did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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