I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
