I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
