He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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