What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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