My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
