he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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