So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
