like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
