you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
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I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
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I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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