The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
