Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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