she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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