what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
