we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You made out with two different species that night
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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