apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
should my penis look like a turkey
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
