Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize