My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
