Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
