i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
