Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
