dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
