I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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