You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
