I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night