Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
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he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
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I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.