I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.