You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
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Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
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I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children