The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.