Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
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okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.