Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch