I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me