I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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