Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
