apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
