when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
