I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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