can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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