And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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