It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The Olympian is in my bed
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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