He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
