He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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