is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
