Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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