Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize