Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
