I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
