it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
