apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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