God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
