Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my sisters under your porch take her home
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
