Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
