After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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