Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
