I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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