I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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