she woke up with a sticky ear
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
