He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
