yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
