It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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