i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
