another moral hangover. fuck.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
