looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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