Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Randomize
