is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
