It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
