I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
