I just pynch a tree in the face
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
