I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
