Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
