Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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