i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
