is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
