I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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